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Jan
20
You can exchange “wife” with “significant other” or any one of many roles a female has in the life of a man if you’d like to universalize this post, because I’m sure what I’m about to describe occurs in long-term relationships as well as father-daughter, sister-brother, son-mother and other connections.
What am I talking about? Start here with Swaraaj’s very open post about how men, in their attempts to compensate for being less than perfect when it comes to standing by their women, tend to overcompensate when they do finally realize that they’ve been less than perfect.
Case in point: Bill Clinton, as Swaraaj points out.
I don’t understand why leading democrats are asking Bill Clinton to pipe down…
When you cross 60, you suddenly realise how unfair you had been to your wife, and maybe not much supportive during the testing times in life….
At least I realised this. And I presume, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, who are my age, may be thinking like that…!!!
Observations made during the roundtable portion of this morning’s This Week with George Stephanopoulos reveal what it is Swaraaj gently says he doesn’t understand about the requests for Bill to step away from his wife (and who ever thought we’d have to ask him to do that?).
Specifically, here are comments made by the guests and host regarding Bill Clinton’s troublesome emergence in his wife’s campaign over the last few days:
George Will: [refers to Bill Clinton as an "Olympic-class whiner" but says that such behavior "might work" in terms of helping Hillary]
Katrina vanden Heuvel: “I’m not sure it’s working [Matthew Dowd speaks and then KVH again]…He is so over-invested in her candidacy. When she said in New Hampshire, ‘I have found my own voice,’ she was talking about more than just the politics of it…people are looking at him like a little league dad…he has to be sent far away…”
George Stephanopoulos: “…I don’t think that President Clinton believes he is hurting…”
[snip]
Dowd: “…the best thing that she can do is stand alone…the best thing they can do is he sort of take a step back, go off the stage and let her stand on her own.”
DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!!! Give those folks a cigar (or a nice This Week mug)!!!
Especially vanden Heuvel who may just be my newest hero of batting back at the push the MSM gives to certain theories and issues. But that’s another post.
Who got the dingdingdingdingding?
Both vanden Heuvel and Dowd. When a person – in this case, Bill Clinton – reaches that point when, as Swaraaj says, he (or she) realizes that they’ve somehow been less than helpful to someone who is supposed to mean the world to them or has propped them up in the past, they aren’t supposed to take actions that make them feel better. They are supposed to take actions that make that other person feel better.
In the case of Hillary Clinton, Bill needs to do exactly as Matthew Dowd says and let Hillary stand alone. She absolutely without question can stand alone.
Now, maybe the public – Republicans included – don’t want her to stand alone. Maybe even Bill doesn’t want her to stand alone. Why not? Why wouldn’t anyone want Hillary Clinton to test out, try out and remain standing alone?
Because the result of letting a capable, intelligent woman stand alone might:
1. show just how much the man is not needed. Man no like not being needed;
2. concern the woman that maybe she needs him after all (she must fight that back, because this is about her succeeding or failing, on her own); and finally,
3. lead to the woman succeeding – and what would that be like?
When it comes to the American presidency, no one knows yet. So understandably, some of us might be a little freaked out about the possibility. Allowing Bill to overcompensate for not letting Hillary be Hillary all by Hillary’s self is another excuse to keep her from standing alone.
But obviously, Bill Clinton is freaked out by the possibility of his wife becoming president, too. Which is why he has to step away from the wife and let us see Hillary on her own.
Then, if you want to slam her, she’s all yours. And you can leave Bill out of it.
The real trick for Americans will be testing themselves to see if they – the Hillary supporters and the Hillary haters – can neutralize the image and actions of Bill Clinton, though he may leave too indelible an impression for Hillary to ever be seen and critiqued as standing alone.
And that is the real shame about having so few women leaders.
Cross-posted at BlogHer.com.
By Jill Miller Zimon at 11:27 pm January 20th, 2008 in Campaigning, Elections, Media, Politics, Social Issues, WH2008, Women
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14 Responses to “Attention Bill Clinton: Step Away From The Wife”
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Jill,
Great points about the This Week round table. It is my impression that Bill is really helping Hillary’s campaign, but my question is for how long? At some point, people are going to raise the questions you asked about a woman being able to stand alone. With her win in New Hampshire a solid win last Saturday in Nevada, her campaign may have an opportunity to let Bill move off stage and do some behind the scenes work and let Hillary move her campaign forward off the momentum they have built. There is no better time for her to define herself as a strong woman candidate than after several key victories.
Bill is still one of the best surrogates for Democrats so it has to be a tough call for the campaign managers.
Thanks, Kyle, and back at you – you make great points here, too.
I have no doubt that HRC can stand alone but what would have to be done to Bill to allow that – not in the permission sense, but he is just a pathological narcissist. It’s not clinically possible for him right now, lol, seriously.
If he doesn’t step away, the foolish questions about a dual-presidency will never end and HRC has GOT to put those concerns to rest. I believe she can do it, but I don’t know if Bill can.
Jill,
Don’t kid yourself. Hillary is not on some “I am woman hear me roar” quest. Some of her female followers might be, but I doubt very seriously she is. Hillary is on a “I am Hillary, see me be the President” quest. Plain and simple. It’s about power. It’s also about her and Bill regaining the power they once had a the top of their game. It’s their last play. They are both attention seekers and power grabbers. Not that they both don’t want to do good, I believe they do. It’s a team sport to them, this power quest. They are cojoined twins in that respect.
Everything you see, including the recent good cop/bad bop routine is planned and strategized way in advance. Don’t think for a minute this is little Miss Clinton trying to get her own time from overbearing Mr. President Bill who keeps popping up. She has bought into this at every level…as has he. My guess is if Hillary thought she could win by “standing alone”, guess what? She’d BE standing alone.
I find it interesting there is no mention of letting a capable and intelligent MAN stand alone and suggest Michele or Elizabeth step aside some. Why is that?
Because in the end it’s not about whether or not a candidate can stand alone or not. It’s about what two central figures will wind up in the White House (President and first spouse) and in one case Bill Clinton is going to be there no matter how much we want a woman to “stand alone”. It’s a unique dilemma, but has little to do with estrogen power.
I think you’re overplaying your “man not needed” hand a bit…
Eric – you know what my first thought on your post was, I’d like to know what Holly thinks.
And she may think EXACTLY as you do, and that would mean something to me, but I don’t think I’m overplaying this at all.
I see it like this: have you ever had a fight with someone where you say you’re sorry but no way that you say it or show it ever seems to be enough? Maybe you’re lucky and you’ve never been in that situation – I have been in that situation. Do you know how devastating it is to think that someone will not trust you to be sorry? That nothing you say or do could convince them that you are?
We will never know for sure – we can never trust for sure – what it was that HRC was thinking when she said what she said, but I trust my instinct, I’ve been at that place where I’m hearing myself for the first time, I know how it’s made me react and I believe what Dowd, Vanden Heuvel, myself and many others believe they heard and saw is what it was. Was it other stuff? Sure, why not.
But to say that we should never believe HRC being real or being human or being genuine about finding herself is unacceptable to me. Why shouldn’t everyone be given another chance?
You can choose when there are no more chances left for any one person, likewise I’ll do that too.
As for Bill, poo on him. Seriously. He needs to be sent away for psych treatment during HRC’s terms and be treated for that narcissism – I can think of an Ohio blogger who is equally narcissistic – they would make a great therapy group together.
Don’t you like that idea?
And you asked this: “I find it interesting there is no mention of letting a capable and intelligent MAN stand alone and suggest Michele or Elizabeth step aside some. Why is that?”
Because the spouse hasn’t already been at the pinnacle of power, Eric. They are not similarly situated, to each other nor to the Clintons. Come on.
Point taken on why you’d single out Bill and not the other spouses. There is no avoiding the Bill factor, however – and I don’t think Hillary really wants to (the conjoined thing).
So the only reason she needs to be seen as standing alone is that he used to be the President? I did not get that in your “show how much the man is not needed” bit. It seemed then that you were not so much talking about power and the ability to stand on your own, but about being woman and being able to. Big difference that.
My point was, and is, that sure the man is needed – as much as the woman who stands beside the male candidates is. This is where I think you might be overplaying.
I won’t go into the psychology of Hillary, else the day become about it. Nor will I inject what the woman who stands beside me might think. You can ask her if you like. Might not like the answer. She was a Women’s Studies major, but doesn’t appear to be buying into the Hear Hillary Roar bit (as far as I can tell), but again you’d have to ask her direct.
When I apologize, I am sincere. There is nothing I can do on the other end of that equation, so I tend not to concern myself with it. There is no need for convincing others.
As for the Ohio blogger in question, I can only make wild guesses as to the subject of such commentary. I’d implore you to clarify such that we all might fully understand the point you were making.
PS – It’s official. I’ve been watching too much Deadwood and my phrase construction appears to have been permanently altered in manners previously unknown to me. LOL
I would never not like what Holly has to say, I respect her too much for standing by you.
Might disagree, but not “not like.”
I hear what you’re saying, I know a lot of folks think it’s an act and have reason to think so. I could too. But I don’t – just my intuition. I’ve been wrong – I voted for McGovern in 4th grade. But it’s my choice to make and say, she was being real.
You know, part of the whole thing here really is the next gen issue of who can be a president: single people. There are more single women than there are married women now. Can a single woman ever be president? We need to re-examine this whole thing about someone standing by someone’s side etc. I’m sure there’s lots of research out there on this issue related to corporate leadership and marriage.
But the presidency – I mean, have you heard ANYONE utter whether a single person could do it, should do it, will do it?
So – you see, I just have always had this thing, Eric – I’m not going to be the woman who says that she doesn’t know where the safety deposit box key is when her husband dies because I just always thought he’d be there. Likewise, I’m just not so sure the man is the needed next to the woman, OR the man. How biased is that, you know, against single adults?
As for the Ohio blogger in question, I’ll leave for the next time we meet but if you search on Ohio blogs and narcissist, you’ll find a coment or post somewhere by me about it.
NOW you bring up a very interesting point. Single Presidents. That will be some time coming I think. One step at a time. Let’s get used to “First Gentleman” first.
(not yet though, but soon! LOL) Interesting to ponder though. This would mean that neither the man OR the woman is “needed” to stand by.
But saying “how much the man is not needed” when he is the spouse rubbed me the wrong way. I could never get away with saying the woman is not needed of a male Prez candidate – not that I would, but tossing the shoe over on the other foot, see. Nor would I want to. I have recognized for a long time that I’m currently the person I am and are becoming through the graciousness and patience of a woman I chanced to meet at Bernie’s Bagels one night.
OK, gotta run. Need to ask Holly where the hell the safety deposit box key is!
Ok – I really get what you are saying now – it’s here:
“But saying “how much the man is not needed” when he is the spouse rubbed me the wrong way. I could never get away with saying the woman is not needed of a male Prez candidate – not that I would, but tossing the shoe over on the other foot, see. Nor would I want to. I have recognized for a long time that I’m currently the person I am and are becoming through the graciousness and patience of a woman I chanced to meet at Bernie’s Bagels one night.”
Ok – yes – I agree.
But what you say there is not the same as the way Bill is “standing by” Hillary. He needs to stop speaking for her, literally saying, “She will tell you” etc. To the extent he has value, it is as Bill Clinton (which is also the extent to which he is a hindrance) not because he can speak for Hillary. He can’t speak for her and she shouldn’t let him unless they agree on it. To say that they do in fact agree on it all, I will never buy that – no matter how much they work together.
Anyway – what you describe as standing by and being helped by one’s spouse is not the same as the way people are saying that Bill is acting. What he’s doing isn’t support, Eric. I just know you would not behave as he has, overstep boundaries as he has, come on.
Anyway – I agree – I am who I am because of ma’man, and he would say the same about me I am sure. But Bill is way beyond that, and that’s what I’m focused on, and the pundits I mention focused on.
Now – where’s that key?
Good. I’m happy for you to retract the above:
“1. show just how much the man is not needed. Man no like not being needed”
Hey! Wait! I didn’t do that!
Hey! Wait! I didn’t do that! When I’m retracting, I’ll tell you I’m retracting! Don’t you go speaking for me!
……..cigar? some other prize just might be better, yes?
LOL – good point! We’ll go with the This Week mug.