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May
15
Okay – can we just get this out of the way? Watch for yourself:
Now, look – I chastise my father whenever he calls me anything remotely close to sweetie, and he’s used a whole bunch of those terms (let me be brutally honest since my mother reads this blog but my father doesn’t: I hate it when my father uses alleged terms of endearment like “doll” “babe” or “baby” – but I don’t like it when anyone calls me those things either – never have).
And after watching the clip, I believe Barack Obama when he says it’s a bad habit, as here in the Detroit Free Press:
Sen. Barack Obama, who is edging toward the Democratic presidential nomination, offhandedly called a Detroit television reporter “sweetie” during a tour Wednesday of Chrysler’s Sterling Stamping Plant in Sterling Heights after she hurled a question at him: “Senator, what are you going to do to help American autoworkers?” The incident got picked up by the national news media, and the video, which shows Obama saying, “Hold on one second, sweetie, we’ll do a press avail,” to WXYZ-TV (Channel 7) reporter Peggy Agar, is playing on YouTube.com.
Several hours later, Obama left a message on Agar’s cell phone, apologizing.
“It’s a bad habit of mine,” he said in the voice mail, which is on the TV station’s Web site. “I mean no disrespect, so I am duly chastened on that front.”
Agar said in a televised report that she was more upset that Obama didn’t answer her question.
But you know what? That not answering the question, that’s exactly right. Enough readers have seen how I get when I don’t get my questions answer. And the “sweetie” spin is a very, very common way of trying to say, in what too many people find to be an acceptable tactic, “now calm down there – I’ll get to you when I’m ready – you little woman you” kind of thing.
It is a bad habit, and a lot of people do use it, men and women – I use it with my kids to put them off or cool their jets.
So you better believe Obama had an intention, even if unconscious, that when he is soothing with sweetie, the tough question can be finessed away. Calm down, now – I’ll get to you when I’m ready, don’t you worry now.
But he never did get to the question.
So why doesn’t this rise to the level of a macaca moment? Because a lot of politicians use similar techniques with the media, and private citizens use it too. It’s too common a bad habit to make it a macaca moment, which was really quite outrageous and mean-spirited.
However, the good senator would be very wise to work on undoing that bad habit because at its base? It was an avoidance tool that got turned at a female reporter. I understand it in context, but a lot of people, particularly men and women of voting age – may not.
By Jill Miller Zimon at 8:26 am May 15th, 2008 in Barack Obama, Campaigning, Civil Rights, Elections, Gender, Media, Politics, Social Issues, Women
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35 Responses to “Obama’s not quite Macaca moment, but “sweetie” reporter none too happy”
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Yikes!
While not quite a macaca moment, I agree, but it is rather disturbing.
However, your comments about hating it when your father uses alleged terms of endearment like “doll” “babe” or “baby”.
This worries me, frankly.
My daughter is now 8 and I call her “sweet pea”, “baby girl” and other things like that all the time.
To me there is nothing “alleged” about it being a term of endearment – I love my daughter completely and utterly, but I suspect it’ll be hard to break the habit as time goes on.
Will she start to resent me???
Of course the first two years of her life, my normal “nickname” for her was “poopy face” mainly because she’d get a look on her face when she was displeased very much like how Winston Churchill looked when he talked about “Naahhzies”.
Aw, smiling – I wouldn’t worry if I were you, yet. But it’s a line that does change as we grow up and it’s context as well – which is what so key in this situation with Obama.
If he has a habit of calling people sweetie in a nice way, to bring them closer, show them affection, that’s one thing.
If he’s using it in a way that says, Now calm down now, I’ll take care of it, don’t you worry and is really just putting someone off?
That’s a problem.
But certainly, as I got older, I definitely did NOT want to be called “babe.” Blech.
Jill – I hadn’t heard this until I was driving to work this morning at 7:00 am. I’m not trying to pile on because I am a Clinton fan. But come on. You might be able to justify comments like that as “just a habit” when you are a grandfather, but he is an enlightened man. I don’t think he did it out of some sort of malice, but it might give us more insight into the way he thinks about women.
Saying “hold on sweetie” is code for “just relax. Your question isn’t important anyway.” He only needed to add “honey” in there somewhere.
But, but … she’s not ALLOWED to grow up!
She just lost another tooth yesterday and was tickled to find a dollar under her pillow this morning.
I’ve had to make a number of day trips to Toledo for my ill mother in the last month and she’s gone with me most times and it’s so good to have her with me.
I refuse to let her grow up.
J Rowsey – oh – I agree with you, completely. It is NOT a good thing. But the fact is, I know, because I hear it all the time, it isn’t something that is going to stop immediately or across the board. So, to just start the conversation, I wanted to try and take it as much in context and submit the concept, before bashing everyone with it.
Paul – I’d watch out for that not letting thing.
I read the piece online before seeing the video. It’s worse than I thought. If I talked to my wife like that, she’d knock me out. Anyone who dismisses the Senator’s gaffe as a non-issue is missing another critical learning moment. There is a reason why women aren’t totally on board with Obama. It’s not just because of Hillary, or wanting a woman in the White House. I think women are tired of being blown off or dismissed. It’s something my wife has pointed out to me for years, but I’ve only really started seeing it this year. Working for a female candidate for the first time, I was appalled by the attitude of so many others in this business. The “honey, sweetie” thing is insulting and is pompous way to assert power over someone else. Using it with a spouse, partner, or family member in a loving way – where both parties understand what it means and what it doesn’t – is one thing, doing it to a professional woman who is doing her job is another. This behavior feeds a cultural divide as deep as any others being discussed in this campaign, yet it probably won’t get much play. Rest assured, if John McCain had responded this way, there would be a blogger posse performing a beat-down this morning.
Anthony, I agree with everything you wrote. Thanks for writing it.
So – what do we do?
I agree it’s not appropriate and I’m a big Obama backer. I’m also not happy with his habit of always saying during question and answer sessions, “Okay, we’re going to go boy, girl, boy, girl”. He said that once when the first questioner turned out to be a World War II vet with a serious problem and question about veterans benefits. The questioner wasn’t a “boy” and shouldn’t have been refered to as one.
I’m an Obama backer, too, but I’m concerned by the glibness that he shows sometimes, like on this occasion. I don’t think it was mean spirited, but it’s disrespectful, and that’s bad enough.
All politicians at his level have huge egos. The trick is not to appear too slick. Obama needs to watch that.
What do we do? The only solution is to keep fighting to have women in positions of power – in politics, business, society. I’m not saying “in power,” (since no one group should hold all the power) but more empowered. Many men won’t respect women until they have one (or two or three) as a supervisor. Even then, as troubling as it is to say it, we might be a few generations away from empowered women being seen as strong and able as opposed to catty and bitchy.
Every single advancement is an opportunity to end this nonsense sooner. (Plus, men need to suck it up and police this behavior. I’ve been really pleased to see some of the male bloggers kicking Marc Dann’s ass for allowing the victimization of women to occur in his office. The same ones need to call out Obama for these types of comments. The situations are not even close to the same thing, but they both do damage to the cause of equality.)
“not quite macaca moment” is hereby nominated the understatement of the week.
sigh.
To Queen Elizabeth II: “Nice tiara, Sweetie”
To Margaret Thatcher: “Yeah, Sweetie, you were a great Prime Minister”
To Nancy Pelosi: “Hey you’re rockin’ that Speaker of the House position, Sweetie”
I suppose we should be pleased he didn’t give her a neck massage like Bush did to Angela Merkel.
Eesh. At least he apologized, even if in an understatement. This takes me back to my days as a hospital secretary, right after I’d finished a class on sexual politics and learned that male bosses clapping a hand on a female underling’s shoulder was a subconscious reaffirmation of the power hierarchy. Sure enough, I got clapped on the shoulder all the time. Until I yelled at people to “Stop touching me,” and then they just thought I was oversensitive and weird. The reporter should have responded, “Hey, darlin’, no problem as long as you answer the question.”
I dislike Obama more than anyone here, but I dont really think it is a big deal
I’ll get who I support out of the way first. Yes, I do support Obama, but I was slow to convert to him after Edwards dropped out. I have contributed to both campaigns.
With that said, I work as a public non-civil-service type employee at the professional level. I get called “sweetie” & “honey” & “sweetheart” – by both men & women, incidentally – and I really, really don’t like it. Obama was being too cute by half when he used the term, and he needs to lose the word, like, yesterday.
(I did notice that the reporter Obama called “sweetie” was asking an economic policy question. I don’t think he’s as strong on the economic policy issues as he could be, which made me hesitant to endorse him when Edwards dropped out. Obama didn’t have – or want to have – specifics to offer, so he blew her & the question off).
Should he have called her sweetie? No. Does it make him less electable? Heck no. As I said in the twitter earlier to Jill, I’m not marrying Obama, I’m electing Obama. He was called on it, he apologized. While I hope he gets why it was a dumb thing to do, it hardly makes him less qualified to be President. Eyes on the prize, everyone.
(Jill, was that over 140 characters?
)
Ben,
The dislike of Obama is not the issue here. You may very well dislike Obama due to your own racial prejudices or due to his complete and utter lack of experience; these reasons in no way indicate you have a heightened level of cognizance of gender issues…if you had this understanding, you’d know why it is offensive to women. But you are lacking this knowledge, and your name indicates maleness, so of course you see no big deal…you probably do it yourself. Newsflash – just because YOU don’t get it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist and doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong.
I feel sorry for you if you honestly do not like being called any term of endearment.
Brian, I feel sorry for you if you honestly cannot distinguish between a stranger who happens to be a candidate for president calling a reporter “Sweetie” in the context of not answering her question and a parent or spouse calling his or her child or his or her spouse “sweetie” in the context of their close and most likely loving relationship.
So funny, and makes me a bit introspective…I’ve used this as a term of endearment for some time…and I recently started letting people I encounter in the work and colleague world hug me (which I thought was a natural extension of a term of endearment).
At the same time, I’m using “sweetie” encouraging conversation rather than shutting it down.
I guess I’m not offended by being called sweetie.
This whole “Sweetie” incident is really beside my point.
Brian – you have one comment here, how am I supposed to figure out what your “point” is? What is your point?
#9 Bill: I’m not familiar with boy girl boy request but thanks for commenting. Yeah – you know – it’s not so unusual but if we’re going to talk about being anti-racist, it seems natural to also talk about being anti-sexist and really, anti- most ‘isms.
Elaine – that’s a good point re: the use of the term as a way of encouraging. I can imagine that. Context really has so much to do with this. And yet I do agree also that there’s no context in which “macaca” would be appropriate.
However, the fact that one word has little room for interpretation and the other one has several different uses doesn’t mean that the uses that some people don’t like are any more acceptable.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
#10 Marwood: Glibness – good pick up. I would agree. It’s subtle but it’s not very appealing much of the time. Thanks as always for commenting.
#11 Anthony – you sound pretty darn enlightened. Thanks for the suggestions. I happen to agree and I do know that there are a few men who feel the same. I think it’s fear that keeps others from moving on.
Eric, in #12 – I take that as a compliment. Even though I know you didn’t mean it that way. But see? From the context, I get it.
#13 Gigglechick – the first two are not the nicest, the third is closer to acceptable.
#14 Anthony – I’m gonna pass on that one. lol
#15, Toddie – I love your comeback. Thanks for the suggestion.
As for the touching thing, see – I just think it sucks that that’s what it took for you to put an end to something that was unwanted. That’s absurd that we have to be thought of as oversensitive and weird in order to get our preferences heard and listened to, simply because others want to go on getting some reward from doing something that they think is fine and someone else doesn’t like. That’s crazy.
Hi Cherie – #17 – very good comment. I do understand and agree with 99% of it. I think I would only say that we differ in terms of a nonchalance – but I’m not sure if we really differ on that – it’s hard to tell that kind of thing in this one dimension.
I hope we see a pattern of him trying to NOT say or do stuff like that.
I also think you make a great pick-up about the fact that it was an economic question. So good tip to keep an eye on that.
Anyone ever tell you that you are sharp?
Thanks for bringing some of that here.
Jill – now that I have broken thru the spam barrier, I’ll be back!
Gosh, thx for nice words *blush*
I’m not really quite that nonchalant about sweetie-sweetheart-honey when used to address females who you’re not related to. In fact, I just called a library patron on it (politely) yesterday when he addressed me as “sweetie” for the third time in two minutes.
I do think some of the use of it by older women when addressing me is not intended as a putdown, but a generational & cultural gap. Lorain is filled with displaced Southerners, and I suspect the use of those “terms of endearment” – heh – is more common in southern folk of the previous generation. I saw a column in a Dallas newspaper making the same point about southerners & the “sweetie” word.
Slightly off-topic, but did you read Marie Cocco’s column about the blatant sexism shown toward Hillary in the campaign & the failure of Dem leadership to rise to her defense? Here’s the link: http://snurl.com/292mc.
Cherie – thanks for the fleshing out. I do understand, and I think everytime we just talk about how we feel about this, look at all the people who said they never knew? So – now they know.
I didn’t see the Cocco piece but will go check it out. Ironically, I just posted something about the Hillary Supporters Count Too thing.
Again- I can understand what it’s like to get to that point, but I would never be in that group related to this election.
HOWEVEr and a big however, they aren’t kidding and they do represent very legit concerns that need to be addressed. That’s what I meant by my too artsy title of separating the people from the point.
Gotta stick with the straight lines I guess. 
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