Print This Post Print This Post

Mar

9

[profanity alert] What do Jews do: The Women of Purim


There’s such a long break between holidays that I’d almost forgotten to blog about Purim. I did tweet about the Purim carnival we attended yesterday, including the mechanical bull. Though here’s  shot of the jousting kids do blurry and padded enough so you can’t ID anyone:

img00034

You know, like many religions, the story remains the same, even if the celebration is a little different. So here’s a good post from BlogHer 2008’s Purim coverage about Esther and Vashti and mine from last year.

The big revelation I’ve had is that Vashti stood up to the pervy men while Esther used her wiles to save others.  In their own way, both figured out how to survive and fulfill principles within the rubric of their time.  Hard to see how the challenge has changed all that much.

Here’s how some others celebrate:

Vashti Wears Prada celebration with hip-hop:

On Monday, March 9, Chabad of the North Shore will host a live hip-hop concert as part of its Purim Holiday Celebration. Nosson Zand will be performing at the event.

Chabad of the North Shore, in conjunction with the North of Boston Jew Crew, welcomes the entire North Shore community to the “Vashti Wears Prada” Purim Celebration. This fabulous evening will be open to the entire community and will begin at 5:30 p.m. with a light kids’ dinner and a full Purim carnival, featuring face painting, fortune telling, crown decorating and more. The carnival will be followed by a full multi-media Megillah reading for the kids led by Layah Lispker, and an adults Megillah reading led by Rabbi Yoel Kranz. Following the Megillah readings delicious Italian cuisine will be served, setting the stage for a truly elegant, red carpet, real live children’s fashion show. All this will make way for the highlight event of the evening.

A Recession Kind of Purim, including key passages such as this (go to the link for the full script):

And it came to pass there was a king of Persia was named Achashverosh, and he sat on his throne in Shushan the capitol.  One day, he decided to throw a great feast for all its inhabitants to attend.

King Achashverosh:  I’m gonna throw the biggest bash this town has ever seen!

Vashti: Aren’t we in a recession?

KA: The biggest!  The bestest!  The greatest gosh darn hootenanny this side of the Euphrates!

And true to his word, King Achashverosh spared no expense in delivering the most lavish party Shushan had ever seen.   The plates were gold.  The goblets were gold.  Even the party favors were gold.

Guest #1: That’s the strangest piñata I’ve ever seen…

KA: It’s good to be the king.

His queen, Vashti, was less than amused by her husband’s extravagance.  She knew times were tough for working class Shushaners, and wasteful spending was hardly a message to send the people.

KA: Vashti, c’mon baby.  Get out here and do a little dance!  And then I’d like to treat everyone to a swim in my pool full of money!

Everyone: Hoorah!

Vashti: Are you insane?  No way, José.  You best take note—there won’t be much money left unless you mend your ways.  Think about the deficit!

KA: The only deficit here should be you!

And with that, King Achashverosh sent Vashti away.  However, it wasn’t long before he realized that not only was he lonely, but Vashti may have been right after all.  His advisor, the wicked Haman, had allowed for much irresponsible spending and many Shushaners feared they would lose their jobs.  Without knowing where to turn, the king arranged for a beauty contest to find his next wife.  This time, without a piñata made of gold.

KA:  Which one is that, right there?  The beautiful one!

Advisor #1: That’s Esther, my liege.  She’s young, beautiful and brainy.  And she’s debt free.

KA: I’ll take her!

Of course, what would a Jewish holiday be without some rabbinic interpretation, this time, from YNET:

In the United States the years leading up to 2007 were plagued with intense conceitedness both on a national level and an individual level. Nationally the US was busy invading other countries and ignoring international partners. Individually households were borrowing and spending more than they could afford. This culminated in 2007 when, for the first time sinc 1929, collective household debt in the USA equaled total Gross Domestic Product (GDP).

Since December 2007 the US economy (together with many other countries around the world) has suffered a severe economic downturn. Many have lost their homes and jobs and even the rich are in pain. There is no doubt that we have to hit a rock bottom before things turn around. Few people are willing to make predict where the bottom is. But based on the story of Purim I feel confident about the following prediction.

By having voted out an arrogant government we have already begun the process of repentance. But for us to see an upturn the public must own up to its mistakes and make changes as well. So far few people have had the nerve to blame the consumer for overstretching and buying more than they can afford. We need to start doing this. The average person must also learn to take responsibility. So here is my Purim prediction for the economy: the moment the consumer collectively repents and accepts partial blame for this mess will be the moment the tide changes and the upturn slowly begins.

And last, but definitely not least, a rap song, with profanity, that vindicates Vashti’s choice to say no to the King’s demands that she perform for him and his drunken mates. Turns out that the Jerusalem rapper, Aryeh Bernstein, appears to have four very important clergy whom I know in common with me – talk about six degrees of separation.

The time is exilic, Shushan is the spot.
More chillin than Sunday in the park with Seurat.
The king got paid. His dollar was tall,
But hard to say if he was more tipesh or rasha. (”stupid or wicked”)

Party poppin’ more than Russell Simmons’s
Comin’ from 127 provinces
Riding in with bling, diamonds and pimp rims
Dissin’ the sistas, no respect for womens.

King’s like, “Check it out, my girl’s got it going on,
She’s got more curves than Warren Spahn.
I kiss her and conquistador like Ponce de Leon.
It ain’t wrong, y’all fawn, while I mow her lawn.

She’ll ride my lever, I’ll Nebuchadnezz-her
For each treasure she’ll pleasure me measure for measure
no pressure, but you’d better start to shake that tail feather
If you’re clever or whatever, maybe strap on the leather.

So, Bo’i, motek, Malkah Vashti. (”Come here, sweetie, Queen Vashti”)
Show us some booty and titpashti. (”strip”)
You off the hook, so fine and busty,
And if you don’t I’ll Ayatollah your Salman Rushdie.

Don’t be a bee-otch T, you my bitch, Vashti,
wrap around the pole and get really nasty.
I’m a mojo man, though I’m old and crusty.
Targi’i oti, baby, ki kvar ka’asti”
(calm me, down, baby; I’m already mad)

Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.
Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.

“Oh, how gauche, you roach, Ahashverosh.
Madhim she-hitzlahta le-horid et ha-kos
(”Amazing that you were able to put down your cup”)
On my dignity you won’t encroach.
For y’all I won’t take off even Grandma’s brooch.

You done lost your mind with poppy seed hamantaschen.
Spilling old poppy’s seed with all the porn you been watchin’.
Settle down, boys, douse the fire in your crotchen,
I ain’t throwing my loins to your belt-buckle notchin’.

Yo, ‘Veros, read your Taros, cause your crew haven’t heard
Your narrow eros vanished, you stamina amateur.
Your limpin pimpin sags, man, grab on your catheter
Like Dickinson I’ll jag-slant your iambic pentameter.”

Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.
Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.

9-8-7-6-5-4-3
What the Helen of Troy happened to Vashti?
The ig’nant indignant shrill: “Killed by the king!”
But they illin’, the Megillah tells no such thing.

She disappears from sight, becomes a Dark Knight
In mystery, shines HIStory with V-Day light.
His game was to take her, saying, “Kiss me, Kate.”
She flies into the night in a bad-ass pink cape.

She whispers to the sisters, daring them to be aware
saying, “Girls, love your curls, Don’t straighten your hair!”
digs Jill and Lauryn Hill and chills at Lillith Fair
All you dudes with attitudes – you just hatin what you fear.


Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.
Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.

But Good Golly, Miss Molly, Chazal did wail,
They all holler, she belongs right back in jail!
She won’t give head, so they give her a tail
say her soiree for chaste ladies was a forced Chippendales.

But then the Talmud’s like the king – arbitrary, capricious!
Anarchy in Shushan, like Rotten Sid Vicious.
claiming she was vain, saying she was leprous.
Tradition?! God save the queen and God help us!

So you say, “But the Sages…!”, because they yo’ crew
You misunderstood them; that’s my news fo’ you.
The numbers don’t add up in your Sudoku.
On Purim they’re ironic: Ve-Nahafokh hu. (”It was reversed”)*


Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.
Vashti! Where have you gone? The queen of mystery.

*–This is a quote from the Book of Esther (9:1) which becomes a theme for the Purim festival.]

Bookmark and Share

By Jill Miller Zimon at 4:40 pm March 9th, 2009 in Holidays, Jewish, Judaism, Women, leadership 

Comments

Leave a Reply




"));